Wise Words from Sir Joel

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for...

Time Flies

This fact is just starting to sink into my head...

I am going to be a senior in college this fall.

This is my last year in college.

I am technically an adult now.

Wow.

Weird.

We've come a long way baby...

Philosophical at 3am

Why wouldn't I have these thought-provoking musings at 3am during Midterm week and the week I need to be memorizing my many many long monologues in Cloud Nine...

Do you ever just get the feeling that you want to be older, not like super old, but older? Just want to skip the bullshit and see what life looks like when you're settled and happy?

We did this exercise in rehearsal last evening where, since the characters progress 25 years, we all imagined what our lives would look like in 25 years! (Of course, these were a very kind 25 years where I wound up somehow with a successful acting career, a nice apartment in NYC and a house on the Almafi Coast where I had steamy love affairs with sexy Italian men, and I had a cute puppy!) We all shared our ideas and where we would all be in our mid-40's. It was definitely interesting!

I know it's because I'm an anxious 20-something in college, but I kind of just want to skip the bullshit and just be in that non-turmoil state (if I'm lucky enough to not be tumultous in my mid-40s).

I just think it would be interesting!

*End random existential musing*

EDIT: I found my puppy! :)

Inspiring

So although the Oscars were UBER LONG this year, and a little scatter-brained, and they forgot to honor Farrah Fawcett in the tribute, and that Miley Cyrus was there...I really enjoyed the broadcast. I was finding that in almost all of the main categories, I didn't have an absolute favorite and that I was going to be happy almost any way the results went. All in all, 2009 was an EXCELLENT year in cinema and film acting. Although people may disagree, there were several excellent films made last year and so many talented actors gave outstanding performances that needed to be honored with a nomination! History was also made with Kathryn Bigelow winning Best Director--she gave all of us female Directors inspiration. (And it was a bonus prize that she beat out her arrogant ex-husband James Cameron's kajillion dollar movie [with a less-than-original screenplay] in Best Director and Best Picture! You go girl!) Also, I was extremely proud of Sandra Bullock (alway thought she was an underrated actress!) and Jeff Bridges, Mo'Nique and Christoph Waltz. I really feel as though everyone who won an award was quite deserving!

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the films and performances from all these movies are quite inspiring to aspiring actors, like myself. All the actors nominated gave such moving performances, it makes me want to perfect my craft and makes me proud to consider myself an actor. Although even my roommates have differing opinions about the Oscars, I found them to be quite enjoyable!

I feel like that post is a little scatter-brained, just like the awards show, but I'll just go with the excuse of "that's fitting since we just watched the Oscars". ;)

Summation: I love acting and I love actors and I love good actors and good movies! i want to do that for people! :)


Oh yeah, and here's part of Sandra's fantastic acceptance speech! I wish the part about her mother was included in it, because it made me tear up, but this part was just so great and shows how amazing, humble and deserving she is!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Never Underestimate

So because I live in a theater bubble, sometime I don't hear about what's actually going on in the world. Just found out about the earthquake in Chile and the aftershocks in Argentina, and about the tsunami warnings in Hawaii, California, Mexico and the Pacific Islands. Like I said, bubble!

This of course prompted an End-of-Days conversation with my roomie, which he is petrified of. I can't say that I feel the same way. I don't know if it's because I've watched too many 2012 programs on National Geographic or what, but I don't know, I just don't think that it's something that people should get worked up about. I definitely think that something, geologically or cosmically, is going to happen in 2012, but I don't know if it will end life as we know it, or it will be a day just like any other day. I know we're getting into one of those taboo topics that shouldn't be discussed at the dinner table, because it mixes all of those topics that people are so afraid of, but i don't know...I guess since there's nothing that we can do about it, or that we can change, or be notified in advance to deter, that we should just live life each day to the fullest and not stress about the future.

Summation of this post: Live life to the fullest, and my heart and prayers go out to the people of Chile, Argentina & Haiti. Never underestimate the awesome power that the planet we live on holds.

3am delirium

soooooo i'm about to move out of fulton after being there all summer and move into my NEW APARTMENTTTT!! :D

so i'm my excitement, i'm doing a facebook survey...hahaha!

sorry that this is my big come-back post for the time being!

Who is your best friend?
i like to think that i have a couple, but probably my brother :)


Who did you last say “I love you” to?
alyssa over the phone

Do you regret it?
haha nooo

Have you ever been depressed?
not clinically, after italy i was pretty depressed, and after Tia passed away <3

How do you want to die?
when i'm old, and in my sleep

What did you last eat? Where?
charlys delivery in front of my comp...GREASY as usual :/

Where do you wish you were right now?
either in my new apt, or at home (both of which will be occurring tomorrow!)

Do you bite your nails?
NO it's gross! my mother showed my bros and i what under your fingernails under a microscope once...needless to say i don't bite my nails :/

What is your real name?
Stephanie (no shock there)

Are you gonna get high later?
highly unlikely

Do you hate anyone at the moment?
not hate exactly, i've got a shit list though with quite a few members :/

Do you miss someone?
of course :)

do you tan a lot?
negatory

How exactly are you feeling?
anxious, can't sleep, worried that i'm not done packing and won't wake up on time for mother dearest's arrival

Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
yeah, a lot actually

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
alyssa

Are you scared of spiders?
YES! i'm scared of anything that has more than 4 legs :/

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
sometimes i think yes, usually no...re-living certain moments would be nice

Do you regret anything from your past?
no, everything happens for a reason

Have you hugged someone today?
yes :)

Do you want to have kids?
not really...

Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?
my brother michael? lame haha

You type fast?
indeed

Do you have piercings?
4 total! two in each ear!

Who is your last text from?
alyssaaaa

Can you spell well?
i'm an english major, so i hope so!

What do you miss?
being home with my family <3

Who are you thinking of right now?
lol good charlotte actually just came on my itunes, so flashbacks of high school mostly hahaha

What are you listening to?
good charlotte-girls & boys (it's on my 90s playlist, though that wasn't very 90s)

Kissed someone in a truck?
sadly, yes...can i pull the VA card? lol

Have you ever been cheated on?
not to my knowledge

Have you made a boyfriend/ girlfriend cry?
not to my knowledge

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
YES!! i strongly believe in living with someone for a few YEARS (yeah, i said it) before getting married!!

What should you be doing?
homework, packing, sleeping, lots of things

What’s irritating you right now?
my eye...i was washing dishes and dancing to backstreet boys earlier and i got some dishsoap in there...painful!!

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurts?
school-girl crushes are a force to be reckoned with...hahaha!

What's your favorite color?
blue :)

Have you ever changed clothes in public?
in parking lots, yeah! especially if you're going to the beach! haha

Do you have trust issues?
i wouldn't say "issues"...you get a good sense of who will keep your secrets and who won't

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
my mother is my rock, my best friend, i LOVE her with all of my being <3>

Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
eh i guess so, but probably not a lot, we weren't together for very long

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
not sure...i think it was pasquale at the HP midnight showing (LOL)

Do you give out second chances too easily?
forgive and forget...everybody deserves a second chance! it's the 3rd, 4th, and 5th chances that don't go over so well!

Is this year the best year of your life?
here's hoping!!

What was your child hood nickname?
stephy or chick

Have you ever walked outside naked?
haha not that i can recall

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
checked facebook? lame

Do you act differently around the person you like?
i smile a lot more, depending on nerves i'll either be really quiet or really chatty hahaha

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
christian, we had a photobooth shoot :)

Are you listening to music right now?
yeppers

Who was the last person to make you sad?
myself i guess, i was looking at old pics and missing tia <3

Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
don't think so

Are you currently jealous?
don't think so...

Is cheating ever okay?
i personally don't think so. if you're not happy with the person you're with, find someone else! don't be a coward and stay with that person if you don't have feelings for them and just wind up hurting them later :/

Are you mean?
i would like to think that i'm not :)

Could you keep white shoes clean?
probably not

Do you believe in true love?
i think so! i think that love is one of the truest things there is (romantic much?)

Do you like the outside?
it depends...i'm starting to like it a little bit more as i get older

What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
killer sinus infection :(

Do you wanna get married?
not really, sorry fellas, i'll just stay your forever girlfriend if that's okay :)

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
i feel like they can come up with a better pet name than baby...

How late did you stay up last night and why?
not sure, probably 2am and probably for no reason

Have you ever been caught sneaking out?
yes, which was silly because it wasn't even that late! we just wanted to get frostys from wendyssss hahaha

What makes you happy?
a lot of things! my family, my friends, learning, acting, performing, reading, feeling productive, music, talented people, animals, helping others, autumn, ice cream (haha)

Would you change your name?
not unless i need a stage name, because my name is a little too common i think, but i love my name :)

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
lol no

Do you watch the news?
sometimes

What’s your zodiac sign?
sagittarius :D

Do you like Subway?
yeah $5 footlongs are a real money-saver

Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
well, that would be a very odd/awkward situation...

Do you talk like your friends?
oh yeah! i picked up so much new lingo this summer hahahaha

Ever purposely avoided someone?
yeahhh hahaha

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
yeah, duh! i love my guy friends :)

Does it matter if your boyfriend/ girlfriend smokes?
no chainsmokers please, but i wouldn't mind in moderation :)

Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my madre <3

Is there a person you could not live without?
a few...my mom and my brothers for sure! my family <3

I Felt Like This Needed Its Own Post?

Is it possible to feel tired, apathetic, horny, depressed, excited, anxious, nervous, nauseous, worthless, optimistic, content and OLD at the same time???

it's probably because i'm at work and it's only 1:30am :/

FML todayyyy...I WANT WARM WEATHER NOW!!

Romantic?

So I'm taking this class called Romanticism & the Modern World, and its taught by the head of the English Department at my school (whom I LOVE!) and basically, thus far, we've read and discussed the "Big Six" Romantic English poets--Wordsworth, Coleridge, Blake, Keats, Byron, and Shelley.

Now, I grew up in the suburbs of Northern Virginia, literally walking distance from Algonkian Park, a car ride away from the Skyline Drive, the Shenandoah Mts/Valley/River, the Blue Ridge Mts (my fav growing up), and all of the parks and monuments of Washington DC. I think it's safe to say that I've had my fair share of nature. My dad used to take us camping, hiking, exploring, and at one point, we even had a cabin ON the Shenandoah River. I always considered myself to be a "city girl"...and hey, look at me now! :)

But here's where I start to stray...when forced on these nature outings, I always resented them. Whether I was just being a 13 year old girl, or because I wasn't getting along with my dad (or his gf at the time), or because I actually DID NOT enjoy myself--I'm not sure, it was probably a combination of the three. But recently, probably now that I'm living in New York City where City Hall Park and Battery Park are the only types of "nature" that are within walking distance of my building, I'm beginning to WANT to be in nature?

When I go home (and even during my senior year), whenever I wanted to retreat somewhere, AWAY from people, I would go to Algonkian Park and just sit in my car or on the benches and think. It was quiet, depending on the time of day, there weren't too many people there, you could usually find a deer or two grazing around the fields--it was really peaceful. When I went home after Tia passed away in September, I found myself spending more and more time on this dirty little bench, just watching the river...for those of you who know me, that is kind of out-of-the-ordinary.

While I'm thinking of it, I admire my cousin Brian SO MUCH! He lives in California and before he got a Facebook earlier this month, I probably talked to him about once a year on the phone, and saw him in person about 3-4 years ago! EEK! I almost began feeling like he was this estranged, mysterious person whose life I only imagined. After being his Facebook friend, I finally feel as though I've solved the mystery and now I'm DYING to be part of his almost picturesque, Romantic life. He spends his free-time climbing mountains, exploring deserts, and learning how to conduct mountain rescues for hikers, etc. I feel as though he is living this peaceful, happy, lets-go-commune-with-Nature, Romantic lifestyle and compared to my micro-managed, NYC, go-Go-GO, superficial, theatrical lifestyle...well, it's something that I really want to experience and share with him!

Anyways, whether I'm on some pantheistic kick right now, I don't know...but here are (what I think are) the reasons why all of a sudden I want to pack up my suitcase, jump in a car and "be 'On The Road' like Jack Kerouac":

-LIT212R: Romanticism & the Modern World

-Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer (I read the book AND watched the movie)

-Twilight series (odd, but it takes place in the Pacific Northwest)

-My cousin Brian (an all-around outdoorsmen...I think the ONLY ONE in our family)

-My aunt Kristin (from Portland, OR/also runs along the Twilight vein)

-Life/College/Stress (who doesn't just want to pack up their shit and hit the road at 20 years old?)

-Dorm Room--Maybe I just need to live in a room that GETS SOME SUNLIGHT! :/

Well, whatever it is, I unfortunately must conclude, because it is 3:45am and I have work in the morning (Why must I get philosophical late at night?) but yeah...who's up for a roadtrip across the Continental US??