Philosophical at 3am

Why wouldn't I have these thought-provoking musings at 3am during Midterm week and the week I need to be memorizing my many many long monologues in Cloud Nine...

Do you ever just get the feeling that you want to be older, not like super old, but older? Just want to skip the bullshit and see what life looks like when you're settled and happy?

We did this exercise in rehearsal last evening where, since the characters progress 25 years, we all imagined what our lives would look like in 25 years! (Of course, these were a very kind 25 years where I wound up somehow with a successful acting career, a nice apartment in NYC and a house on the Almafi Coast where I had steamy love affairs with sexy Italian men, and I had a cute puppy!) We all shared our ideas and where we would all be in our mid-40's. It was definitely interesting!

I know it's because I'm an anxious 20-something in college, but I kind of just want to skip the bullshit and just be in that non-turmoil state (if I'm lucky enough to not be tumultous in my mid-40s).

I just think it would be interesting!

*End random existential musing*

EDIT: I found my puppy! :)

I must be Chicken Little...

BECAUSEEEEEE...



Going to school in New York City has several benefits: great location, lots of fun & exciting things to do, great job and networking opportunities, and, of course, having classes cancelled due to "The New York City Fire Department [closing] many streets south of 1 Pace Plaza because high winds are blowing debris from the construction site adjacent to 1 Pace Plaza."

Yay for debris falling from the sky!!! Haha!
So what shall I do on this lovely, monsoon-y, windy day?

Easier Said Than Done

This has nothing to do with what I wanted to write about tonight...but it was so nice outside the other day! I was in such a good mood (which, I'm sure you've seen from my blogs, doesn't happen as often as it should) so I "woke up early" and went to City Hall Park and had lunch, just enjoying the sun and the warm! So amazingly wonderful! :)

Anyways...I'm ASM for a show right now at my school. I haven't done legit tech work since high school, so I wanted to try my hand at stage managing! So far, I haven't really done too much, but it's been really fun and the cast is amazing! But what I wanted to talk about was how much easier it seems to be for me to get into other people's characters more than my own. Maybe it's because you're looking from an outside perspective, but I've found that it's easier for me to do "work" on someone else's character than if I'm working on one of my own.

The idea that I'm thinking about this too much is definitely possible, but it's something I've been thinking about lately. The fact that I'm a sophomore theater major and I "don't have a monologue" really scares me! Of course, this is easily fixed...FIND A MONOLOGUE! But I feel like it's more than that sometimes. It seems like all of my peers have established techniques when it comes to their acting. They're method actors, or they do 17 page character descriptions, or they do stream-of-consciousness journals, or they do sense-memory exercises, etc. etc. etc. I've been officially studying theater for almost two years, and I still don't FEEL like I "have a method" that I use. Then again, sometimes I feel like I'm self-conscious because I haven't had an opportunity to really showcase my talents (or what have you). But then again, I feel like that reason lies partially in the respect that I "don't have a monologue" that I feel comfortable with.

I must suck at picking out material because I can't seem to connect to anything that I'm picking out. I've literally put off memorizing my monologue for my scene study class simply because there's nothing substantial in it, it's just an "angry" monologue, or a "sad" monologue...there's no real material behind it. Another issue, I have all of these resources at my disposal (and I mean, I'm studying theater, at Pace, in Manhattan...what more could I ask for?) but I don't use them? WTF Stephanie!!! THIS IS WHY YOU CAME TO NEW YORK!!

So I guess this post has mainly been a swift kick in the ass for myself to stop being an idiot and dive into what I love doing!! (And stop doing other people's work for them!)

:)

We're Baaaaaccckkk

So I intentionally did NOT write in this over Spring Break. Not exactly sure of the reasoning behind it, but oh well!

But now I'm back in New York, and it feels like I didn't even HAVE a break, of course!

I'm at work, and I HATE it, and I'm REALLY BEHIND in my Screenwriting class (and I'm not sure how that happened)...

Whatever...FML? Yeah...definitely!

Romantic?

So I'm taking this class called Romanticism & the Modern World, and its taught by the head of the English Department at my school (whom I LOVE!) and basically, thus far, we've read and discussed the "Big Six" Romantic English poets--Wordsworth, Coleridge, Blake, Keats, Byron, and Shelley.

Now, I grew up in the suburbs of Northern Virginia, literally walking distance from Algonkian Park, a car ride away from the Skyline Drive, the Shenandoah Mts/Valley/River, the Blue Ridge Mts (my fav growing up), and all of the parks and monuments of Washington DC. I think it's safe to say that I've had my fair share of nature. My dad used to take us camping, hiking, exploring, and at one point, we even had a cabin ON the Shenandoah River. I always considered myself to be a "city girl"...and hey, look at me now! :)

But here's where I start to stray...when forced on these nature outings, I always resented them. Whether I was just being a 13 year old girl, or because I wasn't getting along with my dad (or his gf at the time), or because I actually DID NOT enjoy myself--I'm not sure, it was probably a combination of the three. But recently, probably now that I'm living in New York City where City Hall Park and Battery Park are the only types of "nature" that are within walking distance of my building, I'm beginning to WANT to be in nature?

When I go home (and even during my senior year), whenever I wanted to retreat somewhere, AWAY from people, I would go to Algonkian Park and just sit in my car or on the benches and think. It was quiet, depending on the time of day, there weren't too many people there, you could usually find a deer or two grazing around the fields--it was really peaceful. When I went home after Tia passed away in September, I found myself spending more and more time on this dirty little bench, just watching the river...for those of you who know me, that is kind of out-of-the-ordinary.

While I'm thinking of it, I admire my cousin Brian SO MUCH! He lives in California and before he got a Facebook earlier this month, I probably talked to him about once a year on the phone, and saw him in person about 3-4 years ago! EEK! I almost began feeling like he was this estranged, mysterious person whose life I only imagined. After being his Facebook friend, I finally feel as though I've solved the mystery and now I'm DYING to be part of his almost picturesque, Romantic life. He spends his free-time climbing mountains, exploring deserts, and learning how to conduct mountain rescues for hikers, etc. I feel as though he is living this peaceful, happy, lets-go-commune-with-Nature, Romantic lifestyle and compared to my micro-managed, NYC, go-Go-GO, superficial, theatrical lifestyle...well, it's something that I really want to experience and share with him!

Anyways, whether I'm on some pantheistic kick right now, I don't know...but here are (what I think are) the reasons why all of a sudden I want to pack up my suitcase, jump in a car and "be 'On The Road' like Jack Kerouac":

-LIT212R: Romanticism & the Modern World

-Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer (I read the book AND watched the movie)

-Twilight series (odd, but it takes place in the Pacific Northwest)

-My cousin Brian (an all-around outdoorsmen...I think the ONLY ONE in our family)

-My aunt Kristin (from Portland, OR/also runs along the Twilight vein)

-Life/College/Stress (who doesn't just want to pack up their shit and hit the road at 20 years old?)

-Dorm Room--Maybe I just need to live in a room that GETS SOME SUNLIGHT! :/

Well, whatever it is, I unfortunately must conclude, because it is 3:45am and I have work in the morning (Why must I get philosophical late at night?) but yeah...who's up for a roadtrip across the Continental US??

Countdown to Spring Break...

I've been sitting her at my computer for quite some time now, looking at an empty text-box, trying to figure out what the hell to write about. I know I want to write, but I don't want to be whiny and complain...because I do have a LOT that I could complain about, but rehashing my shitty day right before I go to sleep isn't really something I want to do.

Let me talk about what I'm EXCITED FOR in my life:

-Spring Break! I'm going home Fri/Sat, hanging in VA, possibly getting some Sub Days in there, spending time with my family, AND THEN going to Penn State to visit Kristin, spending quality time with her and her boyfriend, getting wasted, and making some less-than-honorable decisions!! ;)

-ITALY!!! ITALY ITALY ITALY ITALY ITALY!!! :D

-Staying in the City for the summer (FO FREE) and everything that comes along with it, which hopefully will include being an OL, PALS, waitressing/bartending?, taking a cooking class, working out everyday, exploring the city, having cool people come visit me and doing all of those things listed above with them!!

-Getting my OWN APARTMENT with Melissa :)

-Elton John and Billy Joel, in concert...TOGETHER!!

-With all of my extra millions lying around, saving up money to go visit my cousin Brian in San Diego when he and his wife have their baby!!

Well, I'm sure there are other things I'm excited about as well, but those are the ones that are coming to mind! And it is now 3:16am as I am finishing this...so I am bidding you all goodnight!

Yay! I'm going to sleep thinking positive, happy thoughts!! :)